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Supermarket Description - Sleek, automatic, glass doors slid smoothly open, only to divulge a cacophony of noise.

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Introduction

Sleek, automatic, glass doors slid smoothly open, only to divulge a cacophony of noise. Children wailed. Tills beeped. Sound system boomed. Floor polishers whirred. In comparison, the rumbling cars and chattering birds of the outside world were nothing. Accompanying the noise flamboyant red signs stood tall and proud, enticing innocent shoppers towards them with sweet words and tempting promises. Aisles braced themselves against the pulsating throng of vibrant colours. Customers pushed and shoved as they tried to squeeze past one another trying to gain access to the many bargains. The sun's scorching golden rays outside would have been sorely tempting to many if not for the cool breeze of the air conditioner oozing through the gaps between each customer. CRASH! Each trolley collision resonated like a thousand crashing cymbals. Shelf stackers dissolved into the chaos. A boa constrictor's victim, trapped in the reptile's stomach, would have had more room to breathe than here; it truly was as busy as a hive full of bees rushing to make honeycombs for their queen. ...read more.

Middle

Whining as loud as a banshee, he began a struggle to break free of his mother's hand grasp. His eyes started to well up with tears. Angry rivers cascaded down his cheeks. No response. No reaction. Retracting his arm, he balled his free hand into a fist and rubbed the tears and snot away. He wiped the sticky, viscous substances onto his clothes: a striped woollen jumper topped with fire engine red dungarees. The mother and child soon disappeared into the pandemonium. Cheerfully, a Caucasian woman pushed a large grilled metal cart brimming with empty cardboard boxes. A soft, melodic hum escaped her lips as she made her way down the main aisle, emphasised by a friendly smile and large, twinkling eyes. Curly, red snakes framed her face, concealing an ear embellished top to bottom with jewels. Adorning her was a plain white name tag blaring out 'Karen' pinned on her T-shirt that hugged her plump figure. Youthful eyes and smooth skin, untouched by the creases of age, told she was in her early twenties. ...read more.

Conclusion

He tensed, fists clenched. A five o'clock shadow of stubble - a mixture of brown, grey and white hairs - coated the man's jaw. It was rough and bristled. Dark, baggy clothes that consisted of a waterproof jacket, a threadbare jumper, coal black trousers and grubby leather shoes clothed him. There was a nervous look in his eyes, mixed with one of determination, which highlighted heavy eye bags. Once he seemed happy no-one had noticed, the man picked the item up and turned back to a shelf stuffed with DVDs. A sigh of relief escaped him. As surreptitiously as a cat, he tucked it into one of his deep pockets; he ran a dirt encrusted finger along its smooth, stiff spine to be sure it was secure. Licking his chapped lips, he tasted the coffee he had been lucky enough to drink earlier - its rich, heavenly flavours still clung to his throat. With another furtive look, he nonchalantly took a handful of DVDs from the shelf and stuffed them into his pockets. His lips quirked upwards into a smug smirk. "Cleaners required in aisle five!" boomed a smooth, female voice. Just another day at the supermarket. STUBBLE ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

5 star(s)

*****
An excellent piece of descriptive writing which shows a wide vocabulary, effective use of onomatopoeia, figurative language including original similes and a skilful use of varied syntax. The senses are effectively used to create images in the mind of the reader.
This is a very well written piece of description and the writer remains in control throughout the essay. Excellent.

Marked by teacher Katie Dixon 29/04/2012

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